A big part of becoming a more aligned, radiant, and peaceful person, and feeling less drained, stressed and checked-out, is letting go of the behaviors and habits that we do on autopilot, the ones that take up mad space but don’t add genuine value to our experience. 

Addictions like TV, social media, work, alcohol, the internet, junk food, cannabis, the news, porn, dating apps, codependent relationships, conspicuous consumption, etc.   

Not saying that any of these behaviors are inherently bad. But when they are done in excess and become habitual by default, driven by a power beyond our deliberate and intentional choosing, they will create distortion in our consciousness and distraction to our higher deeds. They will clog our channel and we will lose clear access to the Divine inspiration and support that is never not being gifted to us. 

Which is no news to anyone reading this, I’m sure. We can all connect the dots that when we are engaging in habits that repeatedly take us away from our center, we will generally not feel very good about ourselves. And when we don’t feel good about ourselves, we don’t feel so great about others. Which creates stress and drama in our relationships and isolation in our experience. And when we don’t feel good about ourselves and others, we definitely don’t feel good about life as a whole. And thus, anxiety, worry, and depression on a hamster wheel feedback loop. 

And so we go on doing the things that dwindle our vibration, which compromise our self-esteem and energy, and then complain about how hard and unfair life is, and continue to do the things that make life hard as unhelpful coping mechanisms for the hardness of life until we get to this radical moment of being so fed up with not feeling empowered. Something inside of us remembers that we CAN feel healthy, connected, inspired, and whole. Which leads us to getting really honest with ourselves about which of our behaviors are causing us the most harm. We feel strong enough to say, “ENOUGH! I can do better! I create my own reality, dammit!”

We are ready to slay the mutha f*ckin dragon. 

This is the moment I’m interested in right now because this is the moment I’m finding myself in. I am currently slaying the autopilot social media dragon. Looking carefully at all the layers of escapism, ego-inflation, distortion, and distraction that this world perpetuates, I decided that my best balance with the whole operation is deleting my Instagram account altogether. I am choosing to keep Facebook because I have healthier boundaries with it by not having the app on my phone which makes me much much much less inclined to go on it at all. And when I do, it’s generally with purpose and short-lived. But this was not my relationship with Instagram. It was so automatic to just hit that damn app in all the slow and in-between moments in my day. Which amounted to a whole lot of NOT doing the things that I really want to be doing with my life, and surfing a roller coaster of emotions that don’t belong to me, and having my channel clogged up with everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, creations, and opinions, and then peeling myself away to move on with my day feeling all jacked and zombie-fied from the scroll time, and then disgusted with myself for wasting more of my life in other people’s Truman Shows. As if Instagram has some secret answer to life that I’m searching for, and if I’m not checking in all the time I’m going to miss it. And if I’m not making stories on the regs so that people remember that I exist, I’m gonna lose my relevancy seat in the Universe. And don’t even get me started on the custom algorhythmed advertisement scheme that leaves us in a constant state of lust and perceived need for some shit we didn’t even know existed a minute ago but now feel like we can’t live without. 

A total unnecessary pain in the ass if you ask me.

And this is no judgment to the billions of people who are using Instagram on the daily. We all have our own tendencies with it, and there are some folks I know who can use it in a boundaried, self-regulated way. There are also those who get a lot of satisfaction from their Instagram experience, it feeds their mission and rhythm more so than it corrodes it. I have learned that I am not one of these people. 

Instagram is certainly not the first dragon I’ve slain in my days, and so I know this moment of being ready to kick a habit very well. 

When such a decision to let go of an addiction is made, it comes with really high visions of what will fill the space once it’s cleared up and available. 

For me, the vision is more time devoted to my creative projects, and writing in particular. More energy to care for my body and spirit through nutrition, movement, breath, and play. More reading. More community events. More connecting with others IRL baby. More wandering the streets at golden hour to clear my mind and aura. More nature. 

All things that mega feed me. 

But here’s the thing about letting go of addictions and transitioning into healthier habits… 

IT’S A HELLUVA PROCESS.

I think that the biggest stumbling block in this type of transition is going from feeling really strong and fired up about letting go of the thing that you know is leaking your life force, and then sitting in the space that you just created for yourself and feeling any combination of aimlessness, panic, boredom, neuroticism, tiredness, sadness and fear. 

From here, it’s really easy to go into feeling like a failure for not feeling all empowered anymore and either relapsing or picking up a parallel habit that keeps you trapped in distortion and distraction. 

But shit yo, we really just gotta know that when we let something go that we’ve been using to numb and escape, it’s gonna hurt and suck and be weird for a while. 

And if we relapse because we just can’t fully kick it yet, can we love ourselves there? Can we love the one who relapsed? 

I know this seems like a big ask, but ya know what, sometimes we just gotta remember that loving ourselves is an option! And if we can love the one who is uncomfortable in the space, and if we can even love the one who relapsed, then I’ll tell you what, we can get back on track to empowerment SO MUCH FASTER. Like unbelievably so. 

Another thing I am learning through my constant experiment in releasing attachments and distractions is that it is totally and completely possible to experience boredom without also feeling dismal and downtrodden. It’s the story we attach to our boredom that creates that intolerable state that we can’t stand to be in which causes us to reach for the next distraction. But when I am choosing to be in boredom without running a self-defeating script of being a major loser for being bored or having a pointless life, I can actually be bored and emotionally quite neutral. Boredom has the potential to be peaceful when approached with friendliness. To simply exist without an urgent agenda is how we build our capacity for presence in every aspect of our lives. And more presence = less ego and higher self-worth. And higher self-worth is how we manifest all of our heart’s truest desires. 

And so, if we go into the change we are authoring for ourselves prepared to have a lot of tolerance and friendliness toward whatever emotions we experience in the absence of the crutch, then we CAN get to the place where we slowly but surely begin to fill that space with gorgeous new habits that genuinely reflect the life we aspire to live.

But it takes time. And support. And a conscious relationship with self. We have to be ready to talk ourselves off the ledge, aaaaall the freaking time. And to give ourselves kindness when we are struggling. And to be okay with feeling dysfunctional in the void. 

Because it will change. If we give ourselves patience, we will be born anew. The human body and spirit are designed to heal and regenerate. And the more we are in touch with that fact, the more we can witness the miracle of our own transformation before our very eyes. 

It just might not be in the overnight sensation style we had imagined in our fantasy. 

So, to summarize:

It’s really awesome when we are inspired to kick an addiction. 

RIDE THAT WAVE BABY.

But ride it knowing that it may not be easy and you will likely need support and it will take time to build up new habits in a sustainable way.  

Let yourself off the hook of having to be perfect at letting go.

Be okay with being messy and dark and bored and uncomfortable.

Practice what it feels like to meet your messy, dark, bored, and uncomfortable with friendliness, in the way you would meet someone you care about who is doing their best and struggling. 

And let me know if I can support you as you go through your process.

Supporting people through kicking unhealthy habits and regenerating their vibration is something that supremely lights me up.   

Here for you. 

XO,

Halley