Slaying the Dragon, and then…

A big part of becoming a more aligned, radiant, and peaceful person, and feeling less drained, stressed and checked-out, is letting go of the behaviors and habits that we do on autopilot, the ones that take up mad space but don’t add genuine value to our experience. 

Addictions like TV, social media, work, alcohol, the internet, junk food, cannabis, the news, porn, dating apps, codependent relationships, conspicuous consumption, etc.   

Not saying that any of these behaviors are inherently bad. But when they are done in excess and become habitual by default, driven by a power beyond our deliberate and intentional choosing, they will create distortion in our consciousness and distraction to our higher deeds. They will clog our channel and we will lose clear access to the Divine inspiration and support that is never not being gifted to us. 

Which is no news to anyone reading this, I’m sure. We can all connect the dots that when we are engaging in habits that repeatedly take us away from our center, we will generally not feel very good about ourselves. And when we don’t feel good about ourselves, we don’t feel so great about others. Which creates stress and drama in our relationships and isolation in our experience. And when we don’t feel good about ourselves and others, we definitely don’t feel good about life as a whole. And thus, anxiety, worry, and depression on a hamster wheel feedback loop. 

And so we go on doing the things that dwindle our vibration, which compromise our self-esteem and energy, and then complain about how hard and unfair life is, and continue to do the things that make life hard as unhelpful coping mechanisms for the hardness of life until we get to this radical moment of being so fed up with not feeling empowered. Something inside of us remembers that we CAN feel healthy, connected, inspired, and whole. Which leads us to getting really honest with ourselves about which of our behaviors are causing us the most harm. We feel strong enough to say, “ENOUGH! I can do better! I create my own reality, dammit!”

We are ready to slay the mutha f*ckin dragon. 

This is the moment I’m interested in right now because this is the moment I’m finding myself in. I am currently slaying the autopilot social media dragon. Looking carefully at all the layers of escapism, ego-inflation, distortion, and distraction that this world perpetuates, I decided that my best balance with the whole operation is deleting my Instagram account altogether. I am choosing to keep Facebook because I have healthier boundaries with it by not having the app on my phone which makes me much much much less inclined to go on it at all. And when I do, it’s generally with purpose and short-lived. But this was not my relationship with Instagram. It was so automatic to just hit that damn app in all the slow and in-between moments in my day. Which amounted to a whole lot of NOT doing the things that I really want to be doing with my life, and surfing a roller coaster of emotions that don’t belong to me, and having my channel clogged up with everyone else’s thoughts, feelings, creations, and opinions, and then peeling myself away to move on with my day feeling all jacked and zombie-fied from the scroll time, and then disgusted with myself for wasting more of my life in other people’s Truman Shows. As if Instagram has some secret answer to life that I’m searching for, and if I’m not checking in all the time I’m going to miss it. And if I’m not making stories on the regs so that people remember that I exist, I’m gonna lose my relevancy seat in the Universe. And don’t even get me started on the custom algorhythmed advertisement scheme that leaves us in a constant state of lust and perceived need for some shit we didn’t even know existed a minute ago but now feel like we can’t live without. 

A total unnecessary pain in the ass if you ask me.

And this is no judgment to the billions of people who are using Instagram on the daily. We all have our own tendencies with it, and there are some folks I know who can use it in a boundaried, self-regulated way. There are also those who get a lot of satisfaction from their Instagram experience, it feeds their mission and rhythm more so than it corrodes it. I have learned that I am not one of these people. 

Instagram is certainly not the first dragon I’ve slain in my days, and so I know this moment of being ready to kick a habit very well. 

When such a decision to let go of an addiction is made, it comes with really high visions of what will fill the space once it’s cleared up and available. 

For me, the vision is more time devoted to my creative projects, and writing in particular. More energy to care for my body and spirit through nutrition, movement, breath, and play. More reading. More community events. More connecting with others IRL baby. More wandering the streets at golden hour to clear my mind and aura. More nature. 

All things that mega feed me. 

But here’s the thing about letting go of addictions and transitioning into healthier habits… 

IT’S A HELLUVA PROCESS.

I think that the biggest stumbling block in this type of transition is going from feeling really strong and fired up about letting go of the thing that you know is leaking your life force, and then sitting in the space that you just created for yourself and feeling any combination of aimlessness, panic, boredom, neuroticism, tiredness, sadness and fear. 

From here, it’s really easy to go into feeling like a failure for not feeling all empowered anymore and either relapsing or picking up a parallel habit that keeps you trapped in distortion and distraction. 

But shit yo, we really just gotta know that when we let something go that we’ve been using to numb and escape, it’s gonna hurt and suck and be weird for a while. 

And if we relapse because we just can’t fully kick it yet, can we love ourselves there? Can we love the one who relapsed? 

I know this seems like a big ask, but ya know what, sometimes we just gotta remember that loving ourselves is an option! And if we can love the one who is uncomfortable in the space, and if we can even love the one who relapsed, then I’ll tell you what, we can get back on track to empowerment SO MUCH FASTER. Like unbelievably so. 

Another thing I am learning through my constant experiment in releasing attachments and distractions is that it is totally and completely possible to experience boredom without also feeling dismal and downtrodden. It’s the story we attach to our boredom that creates that intolerable state that we can’t stand to be in which causes us to reach for the next distraction. But when I am choosing to be in boredom without running a self-defeating script of being a major loser for being bored or having a pointless life, I can actually be bored and emotionally quite neutral. Boredom has the potential to be peaceful when approached with friendliness. To simply exist without an urgent agenda is how we build our capacity for presence in every aspect of our lives. And more presence = less ego and higher self-worth. And higher self-worth is how we manifest all of our heart’s truest desires. 

And so, if we go into the change we are authoring for ourselves prepared to have a lot of tolerance and friendliness toward whatever emotions we experience in the absence of the crutch, then we CAN get to the place where we slowly but surely begin to fill that space with gorgeous new habits that genuinely reflect the life we aspire to live.

But it takes time. And support. And a conscious relationship with self. We have to be ready to talk ourselves off the ledge, aaaaall the freaking time. And to give ourselves kindness when we are struggling. And to be okay with feeling dysfunctional in the void. 

Because it will change. If we give ourselves patience, we will be born anew. The human body and spirit are designed to heal and regenerate. And the more we are in touch with that fact, the more we can witness the miracle of our own transformation before our very eyes. 

It just might not be in the overnight sensation style we had imagined in our fantasy. 

So, to summarize:

It’s really awesome when we are inspired to kick an addiction. 

RIDE THAT WAVE BABY.

But ride it knowing that it may not be easy and you will likely need support and it will take time to build up new habits in a sustainable way.  

Let yourself off the hook of having to be perfect at letting go.

Be okay with being messy and dark and bored and uncomfortable.

Practice what it feels like to meet your messy, dark, bored, and uncomfortable with friendliness, in the way you would meet someone you care about who is doing their best and struggling. 

And let me know if I can support you as you go through your process.

Supporting people through kicking unhealthy habits and regenerating their vibration is something that supremely lights me up.   

Here for you. 

XO,

Halley


Portals Oracle Origin Story

How did the Portals Oracle come to be?

In trying to recount the inception of Portals Oracle when prompted with this curiosity from others, I found myself getting pulled further and further into the past, where I discovered somewhat of a beginning—which was more than a decade prior to the project being even a dreamseed in my heart and vision. 

I’m 21 years old. I’m in Delphi, the site of the ancient Oracle site on Mt. Parnassus in Greece. 

History tells it that the woman who served as the Oracle for the people at Delphi was first a succession of pure, clear-channeled adolescent virgins, and then later switched to women post-menopause because men from all over the place and young virgins were not a safe mixture. These women would leave all of their worldly attachments behind (families, homes, all the things), and devote their whole lives to serving this key societal function. A vessel of service to the whole. She was called the Pythia- the bridge between heaven and earth. When confronted by civilians and travelers with their most critical questions, the Pythia would enter a trance state through the inhalation of some kind of natural vapors steaming up from the ground, and offer enigmatic prophecies which were then interpreted by the priests. The Pythia was consulted by people from all over the ancient and classical world for insight and decision-making guidance. From emperors to farmers, all were permitted to visit the Oracle if they were able to make the trek. This went on for more than a millennium! 

So I’m at that place, studying abroad the summer before my senior year of college. 

My inner mystic was ever so gently budding around this time. I had found yoga a couple of years prior, was a Religious Studies major, enamored by the spiritual traditions of the Eastern world, with no practical ideas about what I wanted to do or be when I grew up. I just knew that I was drawn to holiness more than the “practical worldly stuff”, and so went about learning about God and esoteric mysticism through my formal education. Another way of saying that my experience of the Divine, up until that point, was mainly a mental one. 

As soon as I stepped foot on that sacred oracle ground though, I had this brand new feeling of becoming more alive. It was the first time that I remember encountering divinity not just as a concept in my mind, but as an awakened sense in my body triggered by geography. There was something about those old gorgeous ruins of that oracle site that had a big something to do with something about me, or someone I once was in lifetimes previous. Whatever the case may be, I felt something continuous there. Something unmistakably true. I had no context for it at the time, just an experience of resonance, gentle yet so profound.

A couple of months after I got back from Greece, my mom died very suddenly. She had stage 4 Ovarian Cancer and didn’t know it, and her tumor ruptured and poisoned her system within a couple of days. It was one of those flip your whole life upside down situations that took years and years of grief to process my way through. But it catapulted me into the healing and spiritual realms so earnestly, as the pain of that loss was so all-encompassing and shocking, and my only true solace for working through it was by making contact with the unseen realms however I possibly could.

And thus began my journey with oracles and divination. 

I was enchanted by the ways that we could invite the spiritual dimension into the realm of form to work with us directly. Through tools that we could interpret with our cognitive sensibilities, combined with a deeply surrendered trust—I delighted in the surprise of seeing what was ready to be seen by myself and those who sat before me. 

The more I worked with divination tools, the more undeniable it proved to be a cornerstone of my path. I was (and still am) endlessly amused by the whole thing. After about a decade of exploring and growing with oracle tools personally and with my close community, I began to offer my oracle services professionally. I’ve had the great pleasure of supporting hundreds of people through big life questions and transitions by way of the oracle’s poignant guidance, interpreted through my intuitive understanding.  

I’ve worked mainly with Tarot and many, many other oracle decks, the I-Ching (the Chinese Book of Changes), and Runes.

The Runes, one of my favorite ways to divine, originated in the first century CE by the Norse people. Twenty-four simple, elegant symbols inscribed into small stones, and stored in a pouch. In working with them over the years, I became a big fan of their tactile nature, as well as the sparse symbolism that corresponded to such resonating messages. 

In the summer of 2019, moving through a heartbreak that was undoing me, I craved a spiritual and creative project to channel my energy and help me make sense of my unraveling. I felt inspired to create a modern version of the Runes, add some style and flair to the language, and find artisans to help me reinvent the product with a fresh new spin, while still remaining true to the form. 

I started by transcribing my Runes interpretation book into a Google Doc. My plan was to write out each interpretation, word-for-word, and then go back through and freshen them up. Add a lil’ twist of lemon, so to speak. I spent about a month transcribing the book. Tedious yet satisfying, I was able to integrate the Rune’s symbology even more deeply.

But when it was time for the next step, to add the lemon, my inspiration flat-lined. I stared at the words. I had nothing new to say. It was already written beautifully, and I didn’t actually care to change it.

Womp womp… I was discouraged, to say the least. This project was the outlet I needed in order to cope with the ache that seemed to be taking up very long-term residency in my heart. Without it, I was just a puddle of pain and longing and I needed a way to transmute my experience into something higher.

Then one day, while micro-dosing psilocybin, I received the clarity I was waiting for. It wasn’t my task to re-write the Runes. I was being called to create a new oracle device, inspired and influenced by the Runes format. Once I understood, I sat down and 26 words dropped out of me and onto the page within minutes. I was going through a spiritual initiation through this heart-break-open, and the words that flowed through me were a synopsis of the deep education I was right in the thick of. 

I hit up one of my nearest and dearests, Lano in Tucson. She also happens to be my very favorite artist, and a major inspiration to my heart, truth and creativity, (follow her on instagram to see her beautiful work, soul and cutest new baby – @lannnno). I’ve been watching her bust out all of these magical symbols and color shapes for years, and knew she was the gal for the job. She was all in for it, and so for the next several months I channeled the text for the oracle, while she channeled the art. And we were both so stoked as best pals to have our first creative collab. 

The writing was a breeze. This is how I came to understand that I was simply a conduit assigned to this creation. I spent a year coordinating and managing the other project elements which were less breezy– deciding which medium, shape and size to use for the Portals pieces and how to go about getting the symbols encoded on them and who could do it. Choosing materials for the pouches and finding the ones who would sew them. Discovering the right designers and printer for the book, and so on and so forth. 

And thus, after much trial and error, and many obstacles and delays that go along with any creative endeavor, the Portals Oracle was born. 

Channeling the text for Portals Oracle was a very satisfying experience. To be in a creative flow state for the sake of service is something I hope to re-encounter again and again on my journey. But my FAVORITE part of the Portals Oracle experience is receiving the cherishing words from those who are using it, hearing about how much the tool serves and supports them on a daily basis and in moments of need.

It’s my highest honor to share this creation with you. 

Thank you with all my heart for being here to receive it. 

Mega-super infinite gratitude to my gifted co-creators of this  Portals Oracle magic:

Lano Romero Dash on Symbol Creation & Illustration

MaryHannah Reynolds and Gabrielle Goldman on Book Design

Melanie Ogata on Pouches

Megan Herold on Laser Cut Pieces

Gabrielle Goldman on Landing Page

Jef Taylor on Photography


Dear Tender Masculine,

Maybe at some point you discovered that you couldn’t experience the depths of love you craved by closing up, shutting down, holding in, pulling away… and so you chose the courageous route of learning how to keep yourself open.

The risk of hurt that accompanies one’s willingness to be open is warriorship of the heart.  

Your felt and expressed feelings ripple through all time and space.

In case you haven’t been told lately,

Thank you thank you thank you. 


Love School.

P R E S E N C E

Trust is an inside job. 

K N O W – Y O U R – W O R T H

Status update: Fully worthy of love.

A D A P T

Co-create your destiny by installing new beliefs anchored in truth & love.

P A T I E N C E 

Expand the view to see the bigger picture. Keep expanding until love is the only vision. 

C H O O S E

Choose yourself with every choice and you will always be chosen.

RECEIVE

Don’t ask for more than what is given. 

GIVE

…the sweetest and purest parts of you.

FORGIVE

Forgiveness = Fulfillment.


The Inner World.

Obstacles of the heart are never here on accident.

There isn’t a pain that doesn’t carry within it, the most immaculate lesson for growing bigger into love.

When we swim out of the stories that reinforce our victimhood, and remember that our power lies within our own decision, the stress lets up and the education process begins.

Starting with loving the one who hurts.

I find that equating breath with love is the simplest way to sooth the child inside who’s safety depends on others.

The child inside is learning to sink into the lap of the Divine Mother with total remembrance.

She needs a lot of delightful words of reassurance.

She doesn’t need to be scolded or punished for feeling hard feels. 

She sometimes needs to move in slow motion so that she can be aware of her Godliness. 

She needs to feel herself moving through time and space in awe of the miracle of inhabiting a body.

She needs to watch the cat outside her window, strutting across the street unharmed.


a letter to my inner child.

little honey h,

I see you!

All of your sweet tenderness and innocence and light, and also the fears you hold about being dropped and forgotten. 

Like when you were the last kid to be picked up in preschool, cuz your mom had to work late and it was dark out, and you were always afraid that she wasn’t going to come, especially after your dad died. That must have been very scary and hard when you were so small and fragile.  

I’m letting you know now though, and as many times as you need to hear it, that you will never be dropped or forgotten by me, the big Me, the higher self me who has unconditionally GOT YOU. 

Especially when you feel scared… that is when you can count on me the most to show up and make sure that you are being soothed and comforted through those old fears. Those fears are just showing up to be greeted and tended to with our love. That’s how they are healing, you see?  

I adore how generous you are with giving your heart’s trust to people you feel drawn to, and am also watching the words and actions of those you find yourself involved with, and will do what needs to be done to keep you safe if you find yourself in a situation where you are not feeling valued and cared for.

Remember, I GOT YOU, and will advocate for you, and if needed, remove you from dynamics that aren’t a reflection of your light and worth. I will do this with care for the other (I know that matters to you) through honest communication whenever possible, and will give you the space you need to process the loss or change if it comes to that, and then will build you back up to trust again.

XO,

Higher Self H


The Truth That Lives in Your Heart.

Listen to the truth that lives in your heart.

Even if it’s a private secret that you can’t talk about with most others.

Even if you can’t see evidence of it yet.

Even if everything that you’ve learned runs counter to the feeling and knowing that your heart carries sacred within it.

Even if you have no idea how it’s going to come to fruition, or what you will do when it does.

The truth that lives in your heart is more valuable than any advice you can receive from another.

When we try and deny the truth that lives in our heart, we go to war with ourselves. 

When we deny our heart’s truth to protect ourselves from the pain of it not becoming, we cut ourselves off from the Source that is taking care of everything.

The truth that lives in your heart is a compass leading you to where you will know the most peace, love, joy and freedom.

Working through layers of denial, logic and conditioning will help you see and trust the truth that lives in your heart more readily.

Work through those layers, and don’t let anyone tell you that the truth that lives in your heart is not worth every ounce of your effort. 

Give the truth that lives in your heart everything that you’ve got. 


Sacral Chakra Activation.

Notice where your mind harps on deprivation.

Realize that as long as deprivation is circulating, the circumstances will remain as such.

First, change your mind. Change your thinking habits. Change your default feeling states. 

Practice

Practice

Practice

Every moment is a new opportunity to practice. 

Then simply allow for something new to emerge.

Your job is not to go finding the things you want, while feeling sad about not having them.

Your job is to mine your mind for scarcity and take deliberate internal action to reach for new, helpful and inspiring thoughts that offer you relief.

Focus on thoughts that make you feel good.

Getting caught up in a constant repetition of the displeasing storylines of what “is”

will certainly ensure more of what isn’t pleasing you.

Feel into what you want as if it’s already DONE. 

Because it is done. It’s simply waiting for you to become a vibrational match so that it can materliaze. 

Sacral Chakra ACTIVATION:

My creativity flows effortlessly. 

The flame of my passion is fully LIT. 

I feel pleasure streaming through my body and heart. 

I am fully connected to myself, and can be fully present with another.

My sacred oasis is mine, and I only let those in who feel safe, present, honoring and delicious.


Q-Lyfe.

Processing the shock of unprecedented mystery. 

GLOBAL PANDEMIC

FLATTEN THE CURVE

PEOPLE ARE DYING

VULNERABLE POPULATIONS

PROTECT YOURSELF AND OTHERS

WORK FROM HOME

STAY INSIDE

IT’S GONNA BE A WHILE

WE DON’T KNOW HOW LONG

Okay, okay

I hear you.

And

I’ll choose my own mantras, thank you very much.

BE HERE NOW

GOD IS CHANGE

HONOR THE UNRAVELING

SURRENDER TO THE UNDOING

THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY

THIS IS THE GREAT AWAKENING

SLOW DOWN TO FEEL MORE

LET LOVE WIN

TRUST IT ALL


Let It Be.

You know those songs you listened to when you had a shattered heart. And even after a chunk of time has passed, and you’ve done a great deal of mending, you put the songs on and are transported right back to the agony of having to let go of that one you would’ve rather just loved forever. You remember the car rides– blasting the songs as the tears streamed down like waterfalls, trying to pull it together before arriving at your destination, embarrassed about your swollen, red eyes, feeling kinda unsafe crying so hard on the freeway, but there was no stopping the flow, wishing for any possibility to emerge to justify holding on. While also knowing that letting go was the only way forward. And you listen to those songs now, remembering how enduringly devastated you felt, how thick the resistance was to letting go, taken right back to the memories of how it was to love that one so deeply and to have to say goodbye…

There was nothing left to do but let it be.